Sickly

Am sick.Incredibly sore.

Ow.
Crazy year.

Good deeds?

Mood: Sickly!!! >=/

I just had a conversation with someone.. Early for me I know... Moving on;

We somehow got onto the subject of death and I said i wouldn't mind knowing when I was going to die because I could try to organize it somehow so my death meant something and was almost a good deed...

He replied that a good deed is only a good deed if you do it for the right reasons but I have to disagree with him.

If a snobby rich man gives away some houses to homeless families ONLY because he wife pressured him, or the government made him... He did it for the wrong reasons... However those families will still have the benefit of those houses... they still have a home and their lives are better because of that 'deed'...

The result is still good... Therefore is it not still a good deed?

I think.. I think alot of the times ... the good deeds we do are for the wrong reasons... as humans we cant help but think of how it will benefit us.. even if its just so we dont feel bad about ourself... which means we are still doing it for selfish reasons...

That doesn't mean we should give up and not help people.

I'm over people 'giving up' on the world.

LONG LIVE GOOD DEEDS.

I've started working digitally on my pictures... the one below is a sketch i "prettied" up on photoshop... I knwo i've got heaps far to go but i'm getting there..

I know no-one ACTUALLY read this, but if you do happen to stumbled upon my page of random ramblings to check out my deviant profile =P http://the-stephness.deviantart.com

xx

You tube 1 steph 0

Mood: Defeted
Highlight: Chinese Food Song of the Day: Lie lie lie - Serj Tankian

Youtube has beaten me yet again. Sometimes I wish I had the talent to use computers/video editing stuff efficiently. Maybe one day.

My father is in Europe at the moment. It doesnt feel like he's out of the country... probably because I do not see him much in the first place. I do miss him a lot these days. It sucks. I should get to see him soon anyway.

So what's happening with Steph? Well she's feeling damned uninspired... Or rather the opposite, I'm seeing all these things and taking so much of the world in but alas! I'm... well mentally constipated... to be blunt lol... No seriously, I have so many ideas but can't quite get them out. I'm getting better now that i've cut down on the computer games.. in particular World of WArcraft. I haven't played in over 4 days. Its amazing.

OOooh I get to be a in a vampire photo shoot,... mmm I get to be a victiiim.

Schweet.

K no more tonight.
No more.
The. End.

Showering Before Getting into Bed Leave's One with the most Comforting Feeling.

Mood: Clean
Highlight: Waking up in Jaaacob's arms
Watching: Serendipity


I love the theme of 'destiny' in this film... Although it is not quite what my belief system is based on; personally I believe the purpose in my life is created not by destiny... but by God. I think the idea of destiny came from Christian belief, that you have a purpose, or that if something's meant to be it will be regardless of the mistakes we make.



I must say though this film is really quite difficult to watch, well frustrating anyway. She'll walk out the door and he drives up in the taxi... right near each other but never quite meeting up... >_< " well, they do at the end. I guess that's all that counts. I despise movie's where the two main characters, well main guy and girl do not end up together. It is so not cool.

Mmm, I'm finding it quite difficult to write my... feelings at the moment. I want to express myself, I really do but ... I don't know. I've had this for a long time actually... It's not that I'm not feeling things, It is that I'm feeling waaaay too much. It's almost like, if i express a little it'll all just spill out and I'll .. well die, become nothing, mmm.. I don't know. I'm working on it. I think I know when it all started... but that is a story for another time. The conservatory is helping me with in unintentionally. They're teaching me how to manipulate my emotions and all my tension etc.


I find it amazing how directors, writers, actors and such have such a talent for manipulating their audiences (HA! Manipulation, perhaps that's why I want to be an actor). E.g. The main characters in this film... well at the moment they are both engaged, you know in a serious relationship but here they are looking, no searching for each other.. all the while letting their fiances think everything is ok. It's awful, and seeing as the main characters are definitely going to get together... you have to sit and wonder how their fiance's are going to feel! Despite the fact we know the fiances are going to be devastated, crushed, we as viewers still WANT the main character's to get together!


I used to think actors lacked feeling... that they just faked everything so to speak, but I'm beginning to realise actors have the most feeling of all. It's not about faking it, actors live each experience, all the emotion, the hurt, the joy, the frustration. My 'Self Portrayal' instructor, Marcus (amazing man by the way) said the other day, "You shouldn't be trying to manufacture the moment (emotion/feeling/reaction to something), it should be real". He used the example that; if for a scene in a film I must walk through a strange door with people I have never seen behind it, I should research it, not just read about the reaction I should go out and find 10 or so strange doors with people I do not know behind it so I know it, living it.


Mmm... yes that is enough for tonight I think. At least I'm making a real effort now ^_^.

Ha, I found a trove of pictures today, screenshots from World of Warcraft; the game that has the potential to ruin my life, so I put them randomly around my blog today to brighten it up ^_^. I love it, which is why it's bad, it's so darned addictive!

Goodnight All. xx







P.S I love the ending to this movie... It's not dramatically climatic... but with all the tension built from the frustration you feel watching the movie ... it's .. nice... A relief.... It's beautiful, you can just feel the tension seeping out from you and a smile growing on your face... (with no thought toe the devastated fiance's mind you =P)

Need. More. Coffee.

Mood: Tiiiired.
Craving: Chocolate
Should Be: Studying for tomorrows littel exam.

I need a job. No seriously this is getting ridiculous; in this day and age it's unnatural to e my age and not have had a proper job without the help of parents... unless of course you have a crazy rich family and need nothing then get married of to some eligible bachelor....


I injured myself in a tragic bean-can accident. It was awful. I was innocently cooking dinner for my family like the most thoughtful person I am... When I retrieved from the cupboard a can, a seemingly normal can of beans. I opened the can carefully and lovingly, and poured the beans gently into the pan... but then I realised... ALAS, some were sticking to the bottom! It was a serious situation. If I didn't get them in there soon, they would surely feel neglected! So I RAN to the drawer, grabbed a fork and went to thrust it inside the can, it was then it happened.

I could feel the can's blade like edge cut through the delicate skin on my finger, pain searing through my whole hand.... BUT I knew I had to get the beans out. I held on tight to the fork, blood dripping down my finger, and I thrust it in once more and released the beans from their slimy encasement....

It was done. I saw them bubbling away, and I knew I had done well. I cringed as I washed my wound... but seeing the beans made it all worth while.


I reeeeally should be studying. It's only 11 questions but alas they are hard, using strange words like parallel and all the answers seem to meld into each other... tough stuff BUT I WILL PREVAIL. Actor-hood here I come.

<- All thats keeping me going. Sweet sweet coffee. I'm immensely tired. I don't remember not being tired; I know there are times where I'm not but the times that I am seem to out weigh the times that I'm not very very much. My jaw hurts. Sigh. Oh no this is rapidly becoming a complaining blog. Nooooo. I shalt stop while I'm ahead. Note to self: WRITE BLOGS MORE OFTEN DAMNIT

>_<" *face palm*

Wednesday and all is quiet on the western front..

Mood: Exhausted
Highlight: Making Jacob eggs
Song of the Day: "All The Same" - Sick Puppies
Weather: not to hot...
Weight: 69kg

I've never even read that book... "All Quiet on the Western Front"... Jacob did though, apparently it's not that interesting. What is interesting is my life though, as frustrating as it may be at the moment.

It really isn't worth writting stuff at the moment. I was exhausted on tuesday afternoon after class and everything... and today I was just too... occupied to write a decent blog. Excuses excuses... I know...

BUT at least I made the effort to write this meaningless entry... Meaningless as it is, it still constitutes as an entry... therefore I'm making slow progress... correct?

Well I say it is. So it is.

Au Reviour.... Sorry If i spelt it wrong.
Stephxx

NOTE: I didn't create the picture.. Some program on facebook did it for me.... Looks pretty nifty though huh?

First of many?

Mood: 'Would Kill for a Burger'
Highlight: Waking up next to 'my man'
Song of the Day: "Circus" - Brittney Spears
Weather: Confused rain then shine then rain then shine...
Weight: 68kg



Today I realized I have again lapsed into the 'not achieving a thing' stages. It's not so bad, admiting your problem is the first step to fixing it right? Right. How am I going to fix it? Writting a blog entry every second day. I figure if I go to write it and find I have nothing to report... I'm doing it wrong... having a life that is.

I'm going to start taking pictures too; not to fix my 'lack of a life' problem, no, they are just here for the sake of being there. =]



I was horrified this morning when I went to the bathroom to wash my face with my 'Proaciv Solution' stuff... (It works by the way) My ridiculously expensive Proactiv Solution stuff and found that the lid of the toner had come undone...

Thats right.. All. Gone. Finished. E.M.P.T.Y.
Mum is going to kiiill me. Yup.
-_-" Nice work steph. Nice work.





I discovered today my photographic talents are non-exsistant when it comes to the feline species.... the one semi-good picture I take has a thong right smack-bang in the middle >_<





Todays resolution is to sleep before 10.30...I wish to wake bright and early and actually warm up fully before I attend class... I love that place. It's amazing... I'm trying to find actors I know of/ like and research the training they got... but I'm finding alot of them were jsut put into acting at an early age... I'll continue my search regardless.



Farewell.
Steph xx


Note To Self: Make future posts more interesting.